Nature Therapy Pt. 2

As I addressed in Nature Therapy Pt. 1, I went on a hike Sunday morning where I was reflecting on where I am at in my life. I could hear water rushing from the falls, birds singing, other hikers as my thoughts turned from my past anger and disappointment to my current fear. 

I have been single for several years now. I have not been in a hurry to seriously date anyone. I was focused on my daughter and healing at first, then my daughter and my career next, and now that my daughter is older I have started to seriously contemplate what being in a relationship could be at this point. 

At first, I did not think about a relationship at all, now it more a 50-50 split. Somedays I do not want to be bothered and other days I can very much see myself in a relationship. I started thinking about what it would take and that is when I started to recognize not only that I was afraid of being hurt again but the depth of that fear. I am not sure why I had not allowed myself to fully appreciate how paralyzing the fear has been. My intelligent mind knows that in life there are no guarantees, in life, there are good times and bad, highs and lows. I need to push past the fear because I will never know if there is someone I am meant to be with if I do not try.

As I’ve said, I have been single for a long time now so I know I can do things on my own. There is no question or concern around that. This means, if I do not meet the person I am supposed to be with, I will be fine. But, there is nothing wrong with sharing your life with someone and being open to the opportunity, really open, more than 50% open. 🙂 That means it is time for me to shove fear aside and make space for what can be. It is interesting how life can be an enigma wrapped in a riddle. 🙂 I went to counseling for me and because I knew I did not want a future partner to pay for what someone else did. I am in a good place and I do not walk around bitter at all men. In spite of that work, I have still let the fear go unchecked, for whatever reason. 

When you see something, it cannot be unseen. The same goes when you realize something about yourself, once it is present in your consciousness, it cannot be ignored, at least… it shouldn’t be ignored. Walking from waterfall to waterfall on Sunday, I thought about all of the marvels God had created. Among all of the beauty I was in, I realize that he took the time to create me as well. God did not create me to live in fear. He created me to walk in his greatness.

I am an outstanding woman, capable of fierce love, loyalty, friendship, empathy, support, caring, compassion, and so much more. I share myself with everyone I love and I am blessed to have amazing people in my life. All that I have can also be shared with a partner once again, and after the life experiences that I have had, I have to trust that I will be far more discerning this time around. I have to be open and make space for all that is meant to be in my life, including love in all of its forms. 

Life is full of new opportunities when we learn to push past fear. Today, I stand in my greatness once again, and as such the time has come to be open and fearless.