Phenomenal Friendships

I am lucky to have phenomenal women in my life. I recognize that not everyone has friendships and sisterhood where people love and care for you but who will also tell you the truth. I have women in my life who will listen to me, let me vent, let me cry, and let me have a moment. I am doubly blessed sorority sisters and friends who support me. A while back I read a post about finding your tribe. I have not only found mine, but best of all, it is the most phenomenal tribe of all.

I was brought up not to be in competition with anyone, especially other women. As such, I try my best to give good advice that is based on where the other person is versus what I think is best (try being the operative word). When I see my friends succeed I feel true joy from them. There have been many times where friends and sisters have thanked me for helping then and said that they have accomplished something, in part, because of me. I never let them give me credit for their accomplishments. Helping someone is not something I ever need to be thanked for or be given credit as if I had done the work. I have seen special people in my life get new jobs, graduate from college, be accepted to graduate school, find love, rekindle love, move, have kids, and so much more. I love to see them happy and succeeding.

I try to pass on to younger women the beauty of being good friends. I try to reinforce what a real friend is. It is not the person who tells you what you want to hear; a real friend will tell you the truth, specially if you are not at your best. As I write this I can think of times where my friends or sisters have told me what I had done wrong or needed to do better and I am so grateful for that. There is no stronger friendship than one which comes with truth and honesty. However there a lot of people who only like people who agree with them. People who smile in their face with the “yes girl, you are so right,” and any other happy, positive feedback they can muster. But, how good is a friend if you can’t trust their word?

I recall a time when I was speaking with a friend about another one of our friends who got a great job and moved away. We were talking about her great opportunity and how excited we were for all of the amazing changes in her life. She was telling me about another one of her friends. My friend went on to say that when there was a job opportunity locally her “friend” told her she did not think she was ready, and she discouraged her from applying. I was telling my friend that I did not understand that. I would never discourage anyone or tell them to play small. My friend shared my sentiments, she too could not understand discouraging her from going after a job opportunity. As women, we should never hold each other back. If you truly feel your friend is not ready for a new opportunity, you should help them plan for their next step, not hold them back.

I used to work at a nonprofit after I graduated from undergrad. My first boss was a selfish woman who was abusing fund. When the board realized what was going on and she knew that they were getting ready to fire her and she tried to get me to go with her. I was just out of undergrad and I could not afford to lose my job. I told her I could not leave and she treated me horribly after that, even yelled at me by the front desk. I went to the bathroom and cried. I looked at myself in the mirror and I said I would never let another boss do that to me and that I would never treat anyone that way.

The boss that came after her did something worse. There was a position that I could have applied for with another organization. She did not want me to leave so she told me that I should not apply because I would not do a good job. Being young and impressionable I believe than an older Latina would not lead me astray. She made me doubt myself and my abilities which was far more damaging than being yelled at. That is why I am committed to helping other women. I do not want any woman that I know to be discouraged from pursuing something they want. I do not want any other woman to be made to feel like she should doubt herself, her intelligence, her abilities, her skills, her talents.

I am working very hard to raise my daughter to be the same way, to support and encourage her friends. I do not want anyone to do to her what was done to me. So far, at thirteen, she has demonstrated her kindness, compassion, and leadership to her friends. She will be better prepared to take on women who bring down other women. Most importantly, she will continue to cheer on her friends and support them in all of their endeavors.